Great start

I had no idea what to write in the title. It’s pretty rare for me to feel like that, since the titles are the easiest ones for me to sort out, normally. I’m not even sure if previous sentence is grammatically correct, but I’m not really in a state of mind to check the “correctness” of my language at the moment (Excuses, excuses!).

It’s been a great start on the blog so far, hasn’t it? Well… Not really. I told myself to update regularly, and even though this is regular compared to some blogs, I’ve had a lack of updates going on this week. Mostly after being hospitalized against my will, and in a quite ironic manner, I had never seen it coming. But in all truth, I am really sick. Not crazy, just sick; mostly sick and tired of living. The only joy in my life at the moment is my long distance boyfriend whom I’m seeing this Tuesday (after almost two months of being apart) – he saves my life all the time. However, as I broke down in group therapy this Thursday, I was sent to the psychiatric emergency room, and after a couple hours of waiting in my most unflattering clothes and with greasy hair, I was hospitalized. I was shown to my room, and I panicked shortly after. Being on any kind of insitution after teatime makes me hysterical. It literally freaks me the Hell out. So, of course, I ended up crying and shaking like I had been doing days before that. It’s something I’ve started to do whenever I cry; I start shaking incontrollable, and it’s very exhausting. A good mix of anxiety and mental distress does that to you – I’m sure everybody has experienced that when they’ve been really upset. Some might not, which is only good for them, of course. Continue reading

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Introducing Lucy

My greetings are always really awkward. Or, that’s what I’d like to think myself.

Hi, I’m Lucy, and the previous sentence is a typical way for me to think. It may sound like a typical teenage insecurity-way-of-thinking, and I do agree; I’m very insecure. However, I’m not a pre teen, in fact, I’m in my last teen years. January 18th 2015 is the day I enter a new era of adulthood, and although it sounds serious, it’s really not. I will probably still feel like a teenager. My mind will still be 13.

I live in Denmark in a small town where the most exciting thing happening in town, is the occasional dumpster fires started by minor’s drinking and smoking weed. It’s pretty sad if you think about it.
I still live with my Mum. I know a lot of other 19-year-olds also live with their parents, but I feel disabled living at home. It’s not my ideal way of living at the moment, but I’ve got no choice as it is.
I’m in the Danish “gymnasium” (no, it’s not a fitness center, although they make P.E. seem way more important than it is) and I’m currently re-doing my senior year. To redo years, you usually need to be either really troubled in school or you need to be really absent. I’m the last of those two.

In the beginning of May this year, I was diagnosed with the Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder (Also known as ‘borderline’ – I personally hate both terms) along with Avoidant/Evasive Personality Disorder. Two ‘disorders’ going hand in hand. Recently I’ve also been diagnosed with agoraphobia (fear of being a freak amongst normal people in social crowds/groups). Continue reading